Playing with Proximity in your Practices (2/3)
A 3 part series of letters reflecting on space and time.
Happy New Year ya’ll! This letter was meant to be sent to you in December, but instead I attended about 2 births per week, and the month re-oriented toward rest for this birth worker. I hope you had a good conclusion to your Fall and as Winter has set in, you are allowing yourself to be slow and steady in the season.
In November’s letter (the first of three) on Proximity, we explored the possibilities of playing with proximity in our practices and how giving space to certain practices as a birth worker has the potential to create sustainability in the relationship between you and your work.
This play with space and time in life can also apply to the concept of trust. As Doulas, we form unique and deep relationships with our client and its within a container of trust. Our clients trust us to be a part of one of the most impactful and transformative moments in their lives, and through every step of birth and being with their body, we trust them on their epic journey and with the true labor of the job of birth. We trust them to know themselves, to identify what is important to them and their process, to be open to education and wise in their own advocacy. We trust families to call us when they are ready for our presence, we trust them to choose what is best for them. And it’s the closed circuit feedback system of trust in the relationship, in the bond, that cultivates the soil of birthing space.
A key aspect of trust is knowing when to step back, both metaphorically and literally. Both physically and energetically. When is there a need for our direct support, our words, our resources, our encouragement and guidance, and when is it best to give space for a person to claim their own journey and walk their own path? We are constantly faced with this question throughout the offer of our care.
We know as Doula’s that one of the top worries that clients may mention is “I don’t want to replace my birth partner” “I want my husband to feel involved, but also guided”. Doula’s are there to hold space for the family unit in its entirety and to continue the play with proximity in the sacred container itself.
Part of our unique craft in this work is knowing when to show up. Arriving to a family or a person too early can throw off aspects of energy management in birth. Disrupting the container of labor is something that should be highly considered; as many grand midwives would say “every added person to the room can be an hour added in labor.” It is vital to know that if these changes in location or people present are necessary, that it is done with care and awareness of the process of birth. In this same light, it is also important for us to know when to create shifts for the ease of flow: when to change positions, when to call a midwife, when to go to the hospital etc. The relationship to rest and activity, to coming and going is managed with the help of Doulas in birth.
With the knowledge that the oxytocin bond that creates the baby, is the same bonding energy that aids in the birth of the baby, we know that birthing partners and those who the birthing person is bonded to should be in closest proximity during labor. This is also why we hope to form a close bond and trusting relationship with our clients prenatally. The continued play in proximity is physical in this aspect. As we plug into what can be most helpful in any given moment, that can shift and change between being hands on with a birthing client and giving space as medicine, becoming a witness, an observer and holding space in a different and nuanced way.
The moments that we leave couples alone to snuggle in bed, to cry together, breathe together, touch one another, stimulate nipples in labor, we serve the space with our energy and reverence. This is the magic that allows labor to naturally progress in true flow and sometimes the medicine comes from everyone leaving the room.
✍🏾 Reflections (and possible journal prompts)
So Doula’s I would love to ask you:
What is your intention as you play with proximity in the birth space?
Have you noticed your own natural flow in birth as a Doula?
Do you have a trusting relationship with birth?
Pause. Consider. Be gentle with yourself.
More soon. Xo,
Scout
A pillar of the Dear Doula Letters is self compassion and ritualizing our self care for sustainability in our work.
📿 Ritual Club is an interactive group space to utilize ritual as a remedy for grounding, internal peace and honoring the natural cycles of the moon. Minimum viable rituals are the name of the game, and in this space we practice in a practical and simple way making it easy to implement our collective rituals in your day-to-day life. New and Full Moons are potent times to honor the great mysteries of our lives and our spiritual paths, whatever form they may take.
Ritual Club meets 2x a month on Thursdays virtually with recordings available if you can’t make the live ceremonies. Dear Doula subscribers get 50% off the monthly pass which means you can attend both sessions in the month for $10.
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First Monday of the month @ 12 noon. Zoom link posted to subscribers (+ emailed) on Sunday.
WHERE YOU CAN FIND ME:
✉️ Get in touch by replying to this email, or hey@scoutwildawake.com.